her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
