Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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