I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
