It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
