Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
