I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
