You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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