Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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