This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
