nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
