Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
