He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
