if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
