I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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