I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
