and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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