I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
