i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sext me about skeletons
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
