The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
