you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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