I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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