I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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