Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
