I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
