oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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