apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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