i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
