I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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