I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
