If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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