i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i dont even know how to be here
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
