Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
