the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
