you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
