Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
