I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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