just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
