That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
