Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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