It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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