I will die if light touches me.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
