it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
