You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
