We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
