Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
