Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
