i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
