Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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