i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
