we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need to calm my uterus...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
