put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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