Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
