You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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